March 2008

I have never given the Bible much deep thought. Perhaps I accepted it as a part of my life from an early age and so I took much of the messages and teachings for granted. Now that I am older and able to decide for myself, I find myself increasingly unsatisfied with the scriptures I grew up with. There are inconsistencies everywhere, and I have many questions with no answers, and the answers I have been given I am unhappy with. There is violence everywhere. Not until the New Testament do I see any wholesome, pure forms of love for one’s neighbour. There is no mercy, no tolerance, no compassion. All things seem bound by a code of strict and, frankly, meaningless tradition or rituals. God seems unbelievably petty at times. A sort of you scratch my back and I’ll scratch your’s or I’ll rain down hellfire on you and your seed kind of entity.

I find that I am lacking gratitude in my life, and above all, compassion. Never before have I felt it so intensely in my life, this desire to feel love for everyone I know and meet. It’s like I’ve woken up. I should have started documenting this the very moment I felt this, but it was not long ago so anyone reading this can be assured of its authenticity. It first started about 3 weeks ago, when I started reading more and more about Buddha’s teaching. It was then I first stumbled upon Avalokiteshvara, or Guan Yin as I grew up knowing him/her - the bodhisattva of infinite compassion. As a child I heard tales of Guan Yin’s boundless mercy for everyone in the world, even those that seem evil, despicable and thoroughly irredeemable. No one is left unaccounted for, even those with such grave karmic energy hanging over them that all hope seems lost. Avalokiteshvara will wait and guide us until we all reach the eternal bliss of nirvana, and freedom from all suffering. Also I was drawn to his gentleness. It was far from the wrathful and petty jealous image of God Jehovah I grew up with. It seemed more like an Eastern form of Jesus; an all embracing and forgiving form of the divine. Avalokiteshvara’s boundless love for all sentient beings touched me and made me question my own lack of love for others. It was here also that I noticed for the first time the word ‘sentient’. It means capable of feeling emotion or sensation, and it made me think long and hard about the depth of love this bodhisattva holds for us all: human, animal or otherwise.

Naturally then, I find myself drawn to the teachings of Buddhism, and along with it, Hinduism. A strange mix, I would have agreed some years ago, as the former denies there being any God in the world and the latter has a million plus forms of the Divine. But not only is it the Dharma I am drawn to, but also how vastly peaceful these religions are in comparison to Christianity and Islam. How many wars have been fought in the name of Jehovah and Allah? I don’t mean to say there has not been blood shed in the name of Buddhism and Hinduism, for doubtless, conflict will be apart of human history in the name of any faith or following, but I realise how great a stress both religions place on the principle of ahimsa, or non-violence. Christianity and Islam only lightly touch upon this virtue of respecting life, in all its forms, human or animal or otherwise. It says “thou shalt not kill” in the Bible, but the people teeming inside the pages kill each other anyway as forms of retribution, honour or sacrifice, often in the most brutal fashions imaginable.

Also I find myself growing more and more annoyed at how Christians and Muslims of the world “impose” their religion on others, disregarding totally and without even so much as a moment’s thought for what people believe themselves. I know now each man’s religion, his spirituality is a sacred thing. Even if he does not have a religion, his beliefs are his right and his alone. It is something he should not be disparaged for. It is something I believe to be respected and tolerated just as skin colour and sexual orientation should be, although I realise this doesn’t happen in every part of the world. I find it remarkable how many groups are driven to convert the world to their side, sometimes with a maniacal passion - although obsession is a more apt description - that I find highly unlikely their God is fuelling. I refuse to believe the ultimate reality we perceive as the divine power, whether we call Him by the names Jehovah, Yahweh, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Buddha or by Her name Shakti the Divine Mother would condone this fighting, all this bloodshed. They have tainted the very essence of the universe and existence with their notions that their own god is the true God and all else is bogus.

I am exhausted from even thinking about it. Which is why I want to retreat. I want to leave behind the world I grew up in, the world of religious superiority that preaches there is only one God. There is this, and that and the covenant and so on. I wish to find out for myself. Buddha’s words struck a chord with me once. He said,

“Don’t be satisfied with hearsay or tradition or legend, or with what’s come down from your scriptures, or with conjecture or logical inference or weighing evidence or a particular liking for a view… or with the thought: ‘The monk is our teacher.’ When you know in yourselves: ‘These ideas are unprofitable… being adopted and put into effect they lead to harm and suffering’, then abandon them. But when you know in yourselves: ‘These things are profitable…’ then you should practise and abide in them.”

A God that cannot learn to love or tolerate everyone, even those that do not believe in Him or who do not recognise His existence, is no god to me. The notion of spiritual liberation, of moksha or salvation or whatever you want to call it… cannot be this black and white. It just can’t; I refuse to believe it.